Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
