Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
