her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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