hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
