super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
