please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
