Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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