he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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