I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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