remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
