I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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