I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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