I'm lost and stupid without you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper