I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
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Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
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I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.