I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i would one night stand the shit outta him
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car