you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.