I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator