He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
