I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
