a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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