Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
