Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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