It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
