In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Pants are for mortals
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
