I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
