so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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