Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
