ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
