I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
