peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i will never coherently bang her
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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