youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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