I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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