I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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