He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
