My room smells like vodka and shame
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
