My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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