Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
