If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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