For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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