She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
