He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
