Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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