wrigley field is MILF paradise
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
