so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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