the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.