on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
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you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
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Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink