There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
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I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.