I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.