Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.