A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.