My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
