Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
