6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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