just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
