Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
