the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
