i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
