I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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