So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
