The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
