I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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