Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
