I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
