Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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