so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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