Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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