ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
