by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
