Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
