I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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