Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
