marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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