a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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