im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Someone signed my nipple.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
