all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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