I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
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I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
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