you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
