people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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