I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
