I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
