I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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