bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
