My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
