I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
